Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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