Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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