i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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