At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
