I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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