So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
