I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
