i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
