I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Operation Purity has been aborted
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize