Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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