We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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