So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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