The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
