Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
