I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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