genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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