i need an iv and a liver transplant
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
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