i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
