Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
