i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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