So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
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SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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