can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
