I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
