It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
