Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
