do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
