I think i sorta joined a cult last night
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
