i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
