He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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