oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
