I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
