I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
