i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
