roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
