Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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