Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
