Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
