tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you didnt know i had herpes?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
