I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
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at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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