I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
