You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
