I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize