You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
