Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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