I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
