I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
