I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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