just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
