she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
