1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
