and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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