i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!