We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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