So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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