I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
