I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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