I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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