i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
