He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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