It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
