So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
