Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All the doctor said was why
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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