Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
