we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
