billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
