i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
