u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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