Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
