i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
